So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Houston, we have a blender
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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