Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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