When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
