Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
