Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
