tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
