Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
