I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
