I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
