ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
