I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Your dad touched me again.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
