Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
