You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
