I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
