My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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