butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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