I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
