it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
