Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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