Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
