you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
