No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
