Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
