I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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