What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
