This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
