I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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