It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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