i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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