I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you had me at cake vodka
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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