my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
