I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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