i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
