I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
