u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
