I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
