JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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