i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
