Moan for me like Helen Keller
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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