this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
