Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
barbara walters just said penis...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
