yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
