im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
