Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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