after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
