It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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