can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
