I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
