The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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