why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
