So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
