Screwed.edu
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
