i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
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Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize