she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
