I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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