i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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